Black Memories
by RaineArilan
Summary: ONESHOT This is just a short glimpse into what lay behind Sirius's devilmaycare life. And yes, I do know that the title is rather pathetic. Rated PG.


A/N: This is most likely a one-shot as I can'r seem to come up with a writeable plot for it. As the summary said, it's just a glimpse of what lay behind Sirius's devil-may-care life. Or at least what I see within him.

If you have any suggestions for a plot I'm willing ot hear it, but I can't promise anything.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything connected to him that is ,in any way, capable of makign me money. I'm seriously broke.

* * *

Feeling rather pleased with himself, Sirius whistled absently as he trotted up to the house. Despite bursting through the front door Sirius carefully _did not _slam it. _That_ was a surefire way to get yelled at.

The sight of his mother standing at the top of the stairs, hands on her hips and a scowl on her face was his first warning of the impending doom. He froze and she began to descend, heels clicking rhythmically on the stairs. Once on level with him she still towered over his six year old frame.

"Sirius…I hesitate to add the name Black,"

At this point Sirius realized that it was going to be bad. Very, very bad. She only tried to disassociate him from the name Black when she felt he had done something completely wrong. Something that could not be fixed by her 'minor' punishments.

"Your current behavior is unforgivable. You are the Heir and it appears it is time for another lesson on how an Heir behaves."

"Yes, Ma'am." Sirius said in a low, steady voice. He'd learned to control his tone of voice since before he could remember. She didn't care if he was trembling with fear just as long as none of it showed up in his face or voice. Which was good because he was shaking so hard he was surprised his teeth weren't chattering.

Katrina Black(1) seized the left shoulder of her six year old son and yanked him forcefully towards the basement door. Sirius winced behind her back and tried _not_ to imagine what was about to happen. The last thing he saw before his mother closed the door after him was his eight year old cousin, Andromeda, staring after him over the back of the couch; sympathy and a reflection of his own terror lived in her eyes.

The sound of the lock seemed to echo through him. Sirius squared his shoulders and vowed to endure silently, like a good Black should. Within minutes he was screaming.

* * *

"For the love of pranks, Sirius!" James' annoyed groan cut through Sirius's blind terror. "If you must dream about girls could you try not to be so loud about it. Or at least put up a silencing shield around your bed. Some of us mortals need to sleep before we take that Transfiguration test tomorrow."

"I thought you bought ear plugs, Prongs." Remus commented sleepily.

"I did! They keep falling out."

"Look at Peter. Completely oblivious, the git." Remus wasn't all goodness and light when woken in the middle of the night.

"I'll keep it down. Go back to sleep." Sirius soothed. Within seconds all was quiet again in the Marauder's dorm. Sirius turned over as quietly as he could. His terror-caused sweat was making his sheets stick to him uncomfortably. Kicking them all down to his feet he waited for the night air to dry him.

He hadn't known then, and he didn't know now, what he'd done to deserve that trip to the basement. He shivered despite the heat of Indian summer. He had almost never known why he'd gotten a trip to the basement. They were as random as they were painful and Sirius had never had any warning as to when he could expect one. It had given his life an edge of desperation. Gotta do this now cause I may never get another chance. 'I may as well do something worth getting punished for' had become his personal creed.

He'd never completely gotten over his terror of small dark, damp places underground either.

Flopping onto his stomach Sirius buried his face in his pillow. He knew he needed rest but at the same time he hoped with every fiber of his being that he wouldn't fall back asleep. Once a night was more than enough.

* * *

Both his hope and his fear had occurred. Sirius had eventually fallen back asleep, had endured another round of memories and had woken back up before he'd screamed again. After that he'd gotten up and gone down to common room to do some homework. Working on about a week's worth of partial night's sleeps was turning his life into a daze. Sirius rested his cheek in one hand as he absently picked at his breakfast.

"Is Sirius alright?" Lily asked James softly, worry in her voice.

James glanced over at her. "Why wouldn't Sirius be alright?"

"Maybe he isn't sleeping well. If he's waking us up then surely Sirius is waking up himself." Remus commented logically.

"Sirius _is _sitting right here you know." Sirius commented acidly waving a piece of toast at them with his free hand. Lily had the grace to blush.

"Sorry, Sirius." She stood up and moved over to his side, switching her loving attention from James to him, something Sirius inwardly smirked over. "_Are_ you okay? You aren't looking so good lately."

Sirius drew himself up and tossed her a charming smile. "If I didn't know you better Lily Evans," he took her hand in his own. "I'd be offended. I am Sirius Black. I _always_ look good."

Lily grinned and James reached over and hit Sirius's hand until he let go of Lily's.

"Stop it, James!" Lily commanded. "If you think I'll be seduced away from you with a little hand holding I think there are a few things you still need to learn."

"Only if you'll teach me."

Remus and Sirius exchanged looks. Knowing James and Lily they'd go on like that for awhile. James had asked Lily out on the train home last term but they'd only been going out a few weeks, since the first day of this new term. Both concentrated on their food, tuning out the sickeningly sweet babble of the couple.

Sirius glanced over at the Ravenclaw table. He devoutly wished Andy were here, she'd always been there when he'd needed to talk about home life. Just like he'd always made time for her when she'd needed the same thing. She'd always understood, no long explanations or reliving of memories had been required. All he'd had to say was 'I'm having nightmares about the basement' and she'd known exactly what that meant. Hugging him and talking softly she'd somehow have gotten him rebalanced. But she was two years older than him. She'd graduated last year. So no more Andromeda Black, no one to stop his nightmares.

He debated telling one of his friends why he was really up at night but discarded the idea as the product of an overtired mind. To tell…he shuddered. No. No, he'd find some way to rid himself of these nightmares alone.

"Sirius, are you sure you're alright?" this time it was Remus who asked, having noticed the shudder.

Sirius jerked back to reality. He smiled. "I'm fine. I was just trying to remember where I'd left my Potions notes yesterday. I think I forget them in the library. I'm gonna go see if the Librarian found them or not before class."

Remus looked relieved and the other three were oblivious as Peter hung off of every bit of drivel either one spouted. Sirius stood and hurried from the Great Hall. Maybe he'd be able to find some kind of self-inflicted memory charm that could target a specific memory or set of memories. He laughed at himself.

"Who knows. Maybe I'll find a book teaching me how to make a Sorcerer's Stone while I'm at it."

* * *

(1) Everywhere I checked(short of combing the books yet again) told me that JK did not give Sirius's mother a first name. So I made one up. If I somehow missed it somewhere then I apologize. 

A/N: So that's it. ::shrug:: Let me know what you think.


End file.
